Being the Best that We Can Be!

There may be lots of adjectives that might be used in my epitaph but one of them will not be 'an academic'!  Normally, you will not hear me talk often about reading research that resulted in a book and strongly recommend that book to you.  But this day will be different!

As many of our colleagues address the issues related to the provision of residential care for children and youth, and how best to do this within our Good Shepherd service philosophy, I have come to desire more learning about how trauma and resilience fit into that quest.  I have come to learn with them that the women who have inspired this service philosophy have been themselves inspired  by  the compelling life of their founder, Sr. Mary Euphrasia-Pelletier.  I will likely have much more to say about this in future posts and in a workshop currently being prepared about the role of trauma and resilience in the life of Mary Euphrasia.  I hope to present this workshop in the Fall.

Meanwhile I have discovered the work of a group of 'academics’ from Cornell University who, amazingly, have gifted us with their comprehensive book  "Children and Residential Experiences".  Published by the Child Welfare League of America and authored by Martha J. Holden, et al. the book is actually written in clear 'English' beautifully sensitive to the concrete thinking of most of us committed to youth care work.  In this writing, and between the lines, I have discovered the wonderful wisdom and clarity of Mary Euphrasia partnered, if you will, with numerous current experts in the field of looking after children in residential care. With integrity, there is a clear commitment to the principles of trauma informed care and resilience.

One of the bonuses I found in the lay-out of the chapters is that they lend themselves to chapter-focused study and reflection for teams in residential care to assist the development of reflective practice.  Taking individual chapters to study and discuss in team meetings might be a helpful process for a small group of care providers to collectively work on deepening their skills and abilities.  This written work calls us toward a practice that finds youth care workers developing themselves through purposeful reflection and feedback in order to use themselves differentially in important relationships with young people. Equally the rich content advises how best to structure programs, activities and individual therapeutic relationships using engaging language to help young people feel included, accepted and empowered to contribute to their own safety and future development.

Get my gist?  I truly love this work and strongly recommend it to any of you seriously interested in deepening your own sense of competence. Likewise, the reflective practitioner will want to learn more how this all relates to being more 'Good Shepherd' in our work with young people.  And if some of you wonder what I mean about being more 'Good Shepherd' in the work, then send your comments, ideas and questions by commenting below.  I can write all day on this and would like to help clarify the subject.

Children and Residential Experiences,  by Martha J. Holden, et al.  can be found and ordered through Amazon. ca.

A View from the Trenches

I recently made a decision to tell some stories once a month.  For those of you who follow this blog, it is quite likely that you are within our network of Good Shepherd service providers who know the visionary woman who founded the Sisters of the Good Shepherd.  She was Sr. Mary Euphrasia-Pelletier, a woman ahead of her time, yet very much in the moment in the way she related to the real life challenges she encountered. She lived 180 years ago.   Having come to know her over the last 12 years has been like making a new friend and companion.  In some ways many of her stories have inspired me in my work and they have made her a mentor of sorts to my participation in this work.  I will share stories with a twist hoping to make those past ‘old’ stories relate to our current reality.

I am sitting on the plane on my way home from Winnipeg and I have just completed a week of visiting with my respected colleagues who have recently had one of their leaders suddenly leave the program.  The depth of sadness and wondering within this group of caregivers seemed, at times, to be insurmountable.  How can their loss of a trusted and admired colleague and leader be digested?  Still in the throes of a tragic loss of one of their youth, the trauma of this loss is yet another setback and obstacle to sustaining their undivided care for their kids.  Typically, some feel this much more strongly than others.  Nonetheless, the upset of a significant change within the ranks of an important influence in the agency can have an immense impact.  It is hard for some to just do business as usual.

I recall a time in the early days of the founding of the congregation, when Mary Euphrasia was receiving innumerable women who would join the religious congregation dedicating their lives as nuns serving young women most disdained in society at that time.  As her young sisters were going through their individual formation, one young sister really stood out as bright, creative and a person with incredible leadership potential.  At the completion of her formation, Mary Euphrasia did the unusual in promoting her into a trusted leadership position.  This young sister was truly a star among all the dedicated young sisters who were becoming members of the congregation.  Mary Euphrasia thought that she wanted to really help this young sister achieve all of her potential and placed in her an unusually important position of trust. As time went on, Mary Euphrasia perhaps lived with a certain degree of guilt and remorse for having placed a young woman in such an important position ahead of her time.  Was this a strategic mistake?  Was this fair?  It certainly was irresistible given this young sister’s gifts. 

After a while, Mary Euphrasia learned that her trust had been betrayed and, not only that, but this young sister was leaving the congregation instead of reconciling her differences.  Mary Euphrasia’s  approach to this was both typical and extraordinary.  She was angry and challenged this young woman, pointed out her breach and yet wanted her to learn to make personal changes and be responsible to both herself and others.  Perhaps she also felt that remorse cited above for placing this young sister into a position of trust and responsibility before her time.  When the young sister left the community, Mary Euphrasia kept in touch with her and at one point offered to welcome her back in a spirit of reconciliation.  For Mary Euphrasia, the most important thing she kept in mind was her mission, her call to be a person who would model her life after the spirit of the Good Shepherd who left the 99 in search for the one lost sheep.  So she put aside and tempered her own emotions, anger and personal needs to focus on what was best in the larger scheme of things.  She let go of the pain and anger, of her own need to seek ‘justice’ and got back to work(if you will).  The incredible strength and determination it must have taken to refocus her energies and perspective.    What humility it must have taken to look only at what mattered most, i.e. serving the young women who arrived on her doorstep.  Even this estranged young sister would be welcomed back and forgiven if she could share in the unconditional commitment to the service of their young women.

How does one do this without getting either too soft or too hard with others?  How does one find a way to let go of our own stuff to reclaim our energies and commitment with the youth we serve?  I do not have an easy answer but I do know it is possible.  I have witnessed friends and colleagues at other times gracefully let go of deep hurt and anger and refocus their energies on their purpose.  When some things were huge obstacles they found ways to build tunnels instead of fences; when some hurts were ‘unforgivable’, they found ways to let go; when some losses seemed impossible to overcome, they challenged themselves to move ahead and live life anew.