Making and Risking Connections

One of the most valued parts of my work with our Good Shepherd Agencies across Canada and into the U.S. is the opportunity that is presented to foster inter-agency communication.  This week I had the privilege of sharing some time with our friends at Maryvale Adolescent and Family Services in Windsor, Ontario.  They were celebrating Heritage week and coincidentally their 85th anniversary of their founding by the Sisters of the Good Shepherd.  The Sisters are no longer physically present but their spirit, their passion and zeal remains in the very fibre of the agency.  It is always a joy to spend time with them but especially this year which has been particularly challenging due to financial cutbacks from the government of Ontario and resulting lay offs.  Hard not to go to the dark side of cynicism when such events happen and friends lose their jobs!

Nonetheless, I found the same enriching spirit when it came to what their wonderful staff do with the youth they serve everyday.  We all know that our kids watch everything we do and pick up on all of our sentiments and sensitivities.  They reflect back to us how we present to them.  Well yesterday, during their closing ceremonies, the youth at Maryvale were truly appreciative of the Good Shepherd awards given to one female and one male peer.  Afterwards I had the privilege of helping to handout ice cream in the remembrance garden on a beautiful Spring day and there was not a single youth or adult who neglected to say 'thank you' when they received their treat.  That, my friends, is not an accident!  Many kudos to all the adults and young people of Maryvale for contributing to a Good Shepherd culture.

Then I had a great chance to chat with the clinical director who continues to explore how they may deepen their own capacity to enrich therapeutic relationships with all of their youth.  As they further explore the foundational elements of trauma informed care and resilience, she expressed a very keen desire to connect with her counterparts in our other Good Shepherd programs who are also working on the implementation of trauma and resilience treatment in their work.  Not unlike other agencies, Maryvale has its own style and preferences on how best to implement change and it is always very easy to stay within the safe environment of 'home' and not risk hearing about what others do or sharing what we are currently working on.  Maybe it is protectiveness or fear or whatever?  But here was this leader saying to me, "Bob, can you help me to connect with the new clinical director in Winnipeg?  Please send me information about the workshop coming up in Winnipeg in September.  I want to hear more from Stacey in Halifax about how they are working with the educational system in ensure a seamless transition in the public schools there."  Guess I now have more work to do in facilitating these connections.  I do so with a dance of joy knowing that the real risk, the real challenge is not mine but theirs!  I do so also knowing that the generous spirit that exists within each of these persons will provide the support, advice and honest sharing about challenges that they each so richly deserve.  

Sometimes we miss these golden opportunities even within our own agencies.  Taking the risk to openly share ideas and dreams and experiments with one another just might be the most valuable effort we make this month.  Besides it beats the heck out of cynical gossip around the water cooler!

Risk it!

Being the Best that We Can Be!

There may be lots of adjectives that might be used in my epitaph but one of them will not be 'an academic'!  Normally, you will not hear me talk often about reading research that resulted in a book and strongly recommend that book to you.  But this day will be different!

As many of our colleagues address the issues related to the provision of residential care for children and youth, and how best to do this within our Good Shepherd service philosophy, I have come to desire more learning about how trauma and resilience fit into that quest.  I have come to learn with them that the women who have inspired this service philosophy have been themselves inspired  by  the compelling life of their founder, Sr. Mary Euphrasia-Pelletier.  I will likely have much more to say about this in future posts and in a workshop currently being prepared about the role of trauma and resilience in the life of Mary Euphrasia.  I hope to present this workshop in the Fall.

Meanwhile I have discovered the work of a group of 'academics’ from Cornell University who, amazingly, have gifted us with their comprehensive book  "Children and Residential Experiences".  Published by the Child Welfare League of America and authored by Martha J. Holden, et al. the book is actually written in clear 'English' beautifully sensitive to the concrete thinking of most of us committed to youth care work.  In this writing, and between the lines, I have discovered the wonderful wisdom and clarity of Mary Euphrasia partnered, if you will, with numerous current experts in the field of looking after children in residential care. With integrity, there is a clear commitment to the principles of trauma informed care and resilience.

One of the bonuses I found in the lay-out of the chapters is that they lend themselves to chapter-focused study and reflection for teams in residential care to assist the development of reflective practice.  Taking individual chapters to study and discuss in team meetings might be a helpful process for a small group of care providers to collectively work on deepening their skills and abilities.  This written work calls us toward a practice that finds youth care workers developing themselves through purposeful reflection and feedback in order to use themselves differentially in important relationships with young people. Equally the rich content advises how best to structure programs, activities and individual therapeutic relationships using engaging language to help young people feel included, accepted and empowered to contribute to their own safety and future development.

Get my gist?  I truly love this work and strongly recommend it to any of you seriously interested in deepening your own sense of competence. Likewise, the reflective practitioner will want to learn more how this all relates to being more 'Good Shepherd' in our work with young people.  And if some of you wonder what I mean about being more 'Good Shepherd' in the work, then send your comments, ideas and questions by commenting below.  I can write all day on this and would like to help clarify the subject.

Children and Residential Experiences,  by Martha J. Holden, et al.  can be found and ordered through Amazon. ca.

A View from the Trenches

I recently made a decision to tell some stories once a month.  For those of you who follow this blog, it is quite likely that you are within our network of Good Shepherd service providers who know the visionary woman who founded the Sisters of the Good Shepherd.  She was Sr. Mary Euphrasia-Pelletier, a woman ahead of her time, yet very much in the moment in the way she related to the real life challenges she encountered. She lived 180 years ago.   Having come to know her over the last 12 years has been like making a new friend and companion.  In some ways many of her stories have inspired me in my work and they have made her a mentor of sorts to my participation in this work.  I will share stories with a twist hoping to make those past ‘old’ stories relate to our current reality.

I am sitting on the plane on my way home from Winnipeg and I have just completed a week of visiting with my respected colleagues who have recently had one of their leaders suddenly leave the program.  The depth of sadness and wondering within this group of caregivers seemed, at times, to be insurmountable.  How can their loss of a trusted and admired colleague and leader be digested?  Still in the throes of a tragic loss of one of their youth, the trauma of this loss is yet another setback and obstacle to sustaining their undivided care for their kids.  Typically, some feel this much more strongly than others.  Nonetheless, the upset of a significant change within the ranks of an important influence in the agency can have an immense impact.  It is hard for some to just do business as usual.

I recall a time in the early days of the founding of the congregation, when Mary Euphrasia was receiving innumerable women who would join the religious congregation dedicating their lives as nuns serving young women most disdained in society at that time.  As her young sisters were going through their individual formation, one young sister really stood out as bright, creative and a person with incredible leadership potential.  At the completion of her formation, Mary Euphrasia did the unusual in promoting her into a trusted leadership position.  This young sister was truly a star among all the dedicated young sisters who were becoming members of the congregation.  Mary Euphrasia thought that she wanted to really help this young sister achieve all of her potential and placed in her an unusually important position of trust. As time went on, Mary Euphrasia perhaps lived with a certain degree of guilt and remorse for having placed a young woman in such an important position ahead of her time.  Was this a strategic mistake?  Was this fair?  It certainly was irresistible given this young sister’s gifts. 

After a while, Mary Euphrasia learned that her trust had been betrayed and, not only that, but this young sister was leaving the congregation instead of reconciling her differences.  Mary Euphrasia’s  approach to this was both typical and extraordinary.  She was angry and challenged this young woman, pointed out her breach and yet wanted her to learn to make personal changes and be responsible to both herself and others.  Perhaps she also felt that remorse cited above for placing this young sister into a position of trust and responsibility before her time.  When the young sister left the community, Mary Euphrasia kept in touch with her and at one point offered to welcome her back in a spirit of reconciliation.  For Mary Euphrasia, the most important thing she kept in mind was her mission, her call to be a person who would model her life after the spirit of the Good Shepherd who left the 99 in search for the one lost sheep.  So she put aside and tempered her own emotions, anger and personal needs to focus on what was best in the larger scheme of things.  She let go of the pain and anger, of her own need to seek ‘justice’ and got back to work(if you will).  The incredible strength and determination it must have taken to refocus her energies and perspective.    What humility it must have taken to look only at what mattered most, i.e. serving the young women who arrived on her doorstep.  Even this estranged young sister would be welcomed back and forgiven if she could share in the unconditional commitment to the service of their young women.

How does one do this without getting either too soft or too hard with others?  How does one find a way to let go of our own stuff to reclaim our energies and commitment with the youth we serve?  I do not have an easy answer but I do know it is possible.  I have witnessed friends and colleagues at other times gracefully let go of deep hurt and anger and refocus their energies on their purpose.  When some things were huge obstacles they found ways to build tunnels instead of fences; when some hurts were ‘unforgivable’, they found ways to let go; when some losses seemed impossible to overcome, they challenged themselves to move ahead and live life anew.   

Youth Is Wasted on the ‘OLD’ - The Voice of Youth

I love young people!  There, I said it!  For me they nurture my life spirit and the more they tell me where to go (in no uncertain terms), the more I feel drawn in by them.  These days there are so many mixed feelings running through my person.  Remembering my child welfare days where youth taught me so much about what it feels like to be in care.  I remember the heart-warming moments when a cherished colleague said, “Youth must have their own voice and we need to ensure their voice is heard.”

You know some of us have been around the block a few times.  A few of us even think that youth nowadays are beyond us.  The basic truth is that young people essentially are who they are yesterday, today and tomorrow.  We adults, on the other hand, are the product of the values, beliefs and assumptions we learned long ago about children and youth. (‘Seen….not heard.’  ‘Yours is not to reason why, yours is but to do….and die!’)  Some of those assumptions we were taught are rooted in power and control.  Adults had the power to keep things under control and the young benefited from that by being cared for and kept safe.  Children and youth were essentially powerless.  That’s just the way it was.

Youth in care, given our special consideration of their needs while under our watch, have been telling us new things for years now.  Have we been listening?  Have we acknowledged their courage and insight into what just might be needed by them?  Do we ever take the time to explore with them their hopes, dreams and wishes?  Do we help them to discover their gifts, interests, strengths and plans for their future?  I can remember the powerful impact one young person had on me when he said, “The only time my worker came to visit me was to talk about some problem or to move me to a new home.”  That statement was made over 30 years ago and its impact has never left me.

So maybe this is a good time for renewal!  You know Spring and all.  Maybe this is a good time to ask ourselves some soul searching questions.  Perhaps it is time to renew our study and research about youth engagement and how best to help guide their journey into the future.  Find some moments for yourself to reflect on whether you are a strength-based engager of young people: Do you explore dreams, feelings and hopes with youth?  Do you go for walks with them?  Do you accompany them for no good reason at all…except to just be with them?  Have you worked on your active-listening skills with youth?

Interested in some incredible reminders?  Search out the Provincial Advocate’s Office in Ontario or in your own province or state.  What are they doing to empower youth voices in their own care?  In Ontario our greatly valued colleague, Irwin Elman, is the Provincial Advocate who has surrounded himself with youth in and from care.  Together, these young people held public hearings on improving in-care and leaving care concerns…They have advocated for themselves for change to legislation and policy.  They submitted their own report from these hearings to the Ontario Legislature and are committed to seeing their recommendations kept alive through advocacy.  Their tag line:  Our Voice, Our Turn!

Theirs is a great read entitled, “MY (Real) Life Book”.   Read their own words in this publication and most importantly LISTEN to what they have to say.  They are truly profound!   To view this follow the link below: 

http://www.provincialadvocate.on.ca/main/en 

Some still say that ‘Youth is wasted on the young’.  If there is any truth to this adage, perhaps it is due to our adult inability or unwillingness to listen to their profound insights, dreams and wisdom about what they and their world really need.

Come, my friend, “Feed my Sheep”

Where will we all be in 10 years?  This is a question that can be examined from 2 major perspectives.  Where will I be?  And/or where will my Good Shepherd work be? For some years now some Good Shepherd friends have asked the question, ‘What’s gonna happen when the sisters are no longer able to run our agency?’  That time in Canada has come and gone.  None of our six agencies is owned or operated by the Sisters.  At best we have Sister representation on our Boards.  The 10 years has arrived!  Okay now what do we do?

This is really cause for some purposeful reflection.  What has been the base of our expressed value and continuity?  The Sisters….. yes, but why?  Is it because they were the most incredible youth care or social work or administrative wizards?  NOT!  Many were very good, some, ugh!!  They were the expressed value and continuity of our work because of one important ingredient that otherwise did not exist…..VOCATION>>>>They stayed!   Individual sisters were not prone to look at career path, improving income to support one’s family better, diversifying one’s challenge to grow professionally making one’s mark on the field.  It was because they were each members of a community group that vowed to pursue their single mission and stick with it even to death.  They don’t retire, they just get old, sick and die.  They believe their rest comes in small doses and, ultimately, when the journey of life is done.  This is why they are loved and respected so dearly.

In the face of their diminishment and (in some cases) ending, the rest of us are left to wonder what will come of all that we do, all that we shared and the people who relied on the beauty of that support offered for so many years to women and young people in need of care.

We know the Sisters had a special way (at times not so gentle) of communicating their spirit of dedication to our clients.  They taught us more by example and their spirit of commitment so that often one hears older staff say, “I wasn’t taught about Good Shepherd, I caught it”.  This is our dilemma.  How can we lead and teach those who will come after us the wonderfully special ingredients that make up our special service philosophy?  We aren’t nuns, how could I ever be that committed? 

Well, the possible answer is both simple and possible although admittedly more challenging than captured even in one simple word……VOCATION!  Yup, we are not nuns!  We are not always very religious!  Sometimes we are downright too human!  But something drew us into this work within Good Shepherd.  What is that invitation all about…..VOCATION!  Our deepest spiritual selves said ‘yes’ to someone’s invitation to be part of Good Shepherd Service.  Somewhere, somehow, there was a recognition of special gifts you have and the invitation was expressed in the same way the Good Shepherd, Jesus said to his leadership team….”Do you love me (In other words, does what I do make sense?)……..Then COME, FEED MY SHEEP!

Not all of us can stay like the Sisters have done.  But all of us can choose to say yes to this invitation and to carry that YES wherever we go.  One does not have to be surrounded by others or work within a Good Shepherd program to say yes to the Shepherd way.  But for those of us who can choose to stay….who we are and how we engage with others around us will be the means through which we can fulfill our own sense of vocation and how, in the end, we will be the leaders and teachers for those who come after us.  When we say yes to a sense of vocation in this work……we choose to be an integral part of the life spirit of our team, group or organization….we participate as the SOUL of our organization.

WE each, have a choice to make and embrace…..FEED IT!

play.simpletruths.com | Store Landing

play.simpletruths.com | Store Landing



I just could not resist this post....I really enjoy Simple Truths Website with all their practical yet inspirational works.  this is worth retelling.  Enjoy!

So What About this ZEAL thing?

Learned over the years that The Sisters of the Good Shepherd take a 4^th vow of ZEAL.  WOW!  Incredible enough that they have 3 vows of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience….and so, what is this ZEAL?  

Surely ZEAL is not what most might consider a household word.  We know that the dictionary will define Zeal as fervor for a person, cause, or object; eager desire or endeavor; enthusiastic diligence; ardor.

Mary Euphrasia lived by this value and expressed this most profoundly shortly before her death when she said,  I was not the most attractive, intelligent or smart person;  I only loved and I loved with the strength of all my heart and soul.”  She defined Zeal as “Love in Action”.

I have had a tendency to use the synonym of passion to define Zeal when we talk among one another about CORE values of Good Shepherd.  Well I am not one to shy away from words of all kinds but ZEAL had me stumped a bit.

Well, I want to announce that I am undergoing a conversion of sorts.  In the past several months I have had cause to note some very special qualities in some of our colleagues.  Most notably those who have become the advocates for the use of Trauma Informed principles in our work.  I saw “Love in Action” in Halifax during their symposium on Trauma,  I saw it again in Angers when some of our folks who are embracing Sanctuary, Resilience and Risking Connections met together and spoke so passionately about the critical importance of establishing significant, trusting relationships with our young people and their families.  I saw our colleagues as fervent, and diligent in their profound desire to establish a sense of belonging and love in therapeutic alliances they work to create.  I saw “LOVE IN ACTION”.

Good Shepherd teachings from Mary Euphrasia, are founded on this sense of highly valued relationships.  “It is not enough that you love them, they must know they are loved” (SME).  She modelled a special way and gift of engagement with people.  One that most of us must work at diligently to achieve.  And yet it is most often expressed in the smallest, simplest gestures; a smile, walking with someone, asking them about their hopes and dreams, accompanying to appointments, praise and acknowledgement.  For so many years our great staff, along-side our sisters, have done these small things over and over.  They built wonderful alliances and relationships with those we serve.  Now we continue to express the depth of our dedication through new approaches which can only enhance our ability to demonstrate that care, compassion and cheerleading in important therapeutic relationships. These advocate leaders among us are taking us in the right direction!

I have truly loved watching this passion among our colleagues knowing that they are building something more attuned to that which Mary Euphrasia taught us so many years ago.  Their sense of importance and urgency is no less zealous than was Mary Euphrasia’s when she lead the birthing of a new congregation.

Yep, I always had a passion for this work…..now I think I have  the ZEAL!!